I read online once, that it's a good exercise at the end of the day, to count up all the good things you did and all the bad things you did that day. It could be the biggest of favours or the smallest of sins. It helps you become a better person.
Every night when I sit down to write this blog, I do that. I reflect on the things I did today, and check myself for any of my shortcomings.
Everybody needs to find themselves, you have to know who you are completely, in and out, in order to change yourself.
One of the reasons, I write, is to make myself better, it helps me check myself, it helps me get other people's opinions without any judgement.
I'm on a journey of finding myself, and at this point in my life, I do a lot of things just to experiment and to find out my limits as a person.
Joining a marathon committee doesn't make me experienced in talking to people, but it's a start, and that's all I'm looking for.
Over this period, I've got the chance to spend time with a friend who I care about, but for some reason, it's hard for me to show that.
If you go up to him right now, and ask him how good of a person gogo is, he'll shower every praise in his book.
We have our vacations right now, its like a semester break and if I was the "me" 1 year or 2 years ago, I probably would've stayed in bed all day and be happy by just being lonely and alone in my bedroom. Having a bath would be the exercise for the day.
See I understand that, I know that for me to become a better person I have to change so much about me. I also know that no-one is perfect and I'm not trying to be that. I'm just trying to be the best version of myself.
Being a part of the committee demands a bit of discipline. It helps me to wake up early in the morning, get a good start to the day, meet new people, get exposure and just be busy.
Being busy all the time, is better than not being productive at all. It also helps control my anxiety. But sometimes I feel as if my anxiousness helps me realise so much about me, I try to learn from that as well.
So right now I'm confused as to wether it's good for me to keep my anxiety at the back of my head. Wether or not I'm doing the right thing by avoiding it.
In the perfect world, I'd be able to balance all this out, and use it all productively, but that's not the case.
The thought of being someone who I'm not, also scares me sometimes. It's so easy to run back into the shell I've come out of. At a point in my life, I was too nervous to even share my opinions out loud, or even consider talking about them. Just go with the flow, would be the moto. But, when I look back on the decisions I made to change that about me, I feel confident about the things I'm doing right now. I know that for a little time, I'll be confused as to who I am, what I'm trying to do with myself, but it'll all work out.
Today was the first real "work" day in the committee, we went to 4 different schools, asking for their participation and managed to get about 90 students to participate.
4 schools, 4 different locations, and none that I knew about. But now I do. That's a plus I guess.
I'm sorry if that was a lot to take in, but that's what was going on in my head today, and I had to type it down.
I'm currently watching Riverdale, I don't know if everyone knows about the series, but it's pretty good. Give it a view.
Reflection does help, and everyone should do it. The only thing for me is, my anxiety used to make me reflect upon myself every second of the day, cloud my judgements and just destroy any motivation I had to improve myself.
I'm not being hard on myself, I'm just being real.
I'm so thankful for all the support I've been getting on these blogs, and love to everyone whose been a constant.
A like, comment or share is always appreciated.
Click back tomorrow for more confusion!
Love Always.
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